So 2012 was the year I realized that in order for me to grow and expand I had to release what no longer serves me! Many who know me know that I have lost and found the same 50 pounds for years, you are also aware that I have quit smoking only to start again. I’ve tried the quick fixes which work for the short term but not absolutely sustainable. I’ve also tried the change in lifestyle and ate all healthy, didn’t smoke, exercised daily and was incredibly successful, until stressful times manifested, so again not sustainable, at least for me. The strange thing for me was I really enjoyed being healthy, it felt good to feel good, but at some point the switch would flip. I can almost pin point that moment each and every time, but to interpret what was actually happening internally I really never understood. It’s that awkward moment when you catch yourself sabotaging your own efforts and somehow, someway, you become a deer in headlights and your frozen. All resistance is futile and you find yourself surrendering to the failure and spiraling deep into the pit of apathy. “I’ve tried everything and nothing works, so I give in and give up!”
Apathy is a state of total surrender to circumstances being beyond your control, I so have been there, am so still there and doing that. This is when I start to justify my choices with; “oh it doesn’t count if no one sees me eating this”, “I gain weight no matter what I eat” or my favorite, “it just tastes so good”, I have been full of all these justifications. (Which are really excuses). From Apathy there really isn’t anywhere lower on the emotional scale I could go.
What happened for me was really a progression of work on myself that started in earnest at the end of 2010. Awakening is a process and it comes in only as fast as you are ready for it, God and Universe will never ever give you more than you can handle. So I set an intention, a declaration to self and God that I was going to once and for all figure out who I was, why I am here and what are my gifts? I stated to God and Universe how much I wanted to understand in depth why I had manifested my current perceived reality and how I could change it for good.
When I speak of working on myself it came in forms of people, groups, books and events and countless personal growth trainings. There is a huge advantage to this process if you pay attention, grab whatever lessons of gold you can and add it to the mosaic of your life path. Each piece of the mosaic is unique to you, unique to your experience, unique to your lessons. I refer to it as my mosaic because even the ugliest tiles in my life I can break off the best pieces. I have been able to reflect in my quiet moments, find my strengths, understand my weaknesses and forgive myself and others. Much of my experience is so embedded deep within me that they are still coming up and I am equipped with tools and processes that assist me in releasing them and adding to my now divinely guided mosaic path.
I understand more how our life path is always under our feet in the now moment, you do not have to find it nor have you ever lost it. Every event and every lesson we experience small or large is laid out for you, by you, by choice, by purpose so that you can learn and expand, rise in your consciousness, increase your vibrations and become a divine being of light and love, thus lighting the way for ALL others. Be in your now moments, see them appear to be monumental or insurmountable, but then remember you can choose to change it, you can choose to see it differently, your choice, it is your free will. But it is in those moments or monu-mentals, if we are able to step back, breathe and in that breathe ask God what to do. Ask for new eyes, ask to receive the lesson. With new eyes comes new accountability, with the big step back we are able to see where our path circles back to the same lessons over and over again. Then we choose!
Learn it or do it again! Raise your vibration to one of hope or lower it to anger and fear. However, it is important to point out that apathy contains no vibration, it is void of emotion, avoidance of feeling anything and purposely placed to block and protect your justifications your excuses and your emotions. My process led me to discoveries of self imposed apathetic attitudes that were only serving to manifest more of the same, lack of self love and lack of desire to change it. I slowly began to peel back my onion again and really view what I was hiding. There mere act of acknowledging my apathy moved me from this dormant state, energetically, I changed vibrations, I began to experience fear, anger, sadness, regret, a myriad of emotions in fact and this was and is all good! This is great because it’s as simple as this, water cannot not change in form in a dormant state (our bodies are 75% water), the only way for water to change in form is to change in temperature, one must light a fire or stick it in the freezer. I saw things in my life differently and I dug deeper to find my fire, I am figuring out where my wounds need ice to heal and where I should apply the heat. I think differently and I talk differently and I stepped into 2013 in full awareness of what still needed releasing and what I knew was vital for my healing.
The many lessons, the many tiles I added to my mosaic in 2012 led me right back to my now moment in 2013. This now moment that I am so completely grateful I have come to, the now moment that I know I am gifted and talented and enlightening myself on many levels. This now moment where I can say I am loving all of me, the good, the bad, and most importantly the ugly! Oh the ugly, let me just say my ugly sits right in front of my eyes daily! Another awkward moment when you say “I love me” and your belly says, “REALLY?”
So releasing this weight is not so much about physical changes in lifestyle and food choices, it is a more about emotional changes, discovering myself in profound ways, and changing my perceptions to brutal truths, my truths, its my peek through the veil that will allow me to release and step into my power zone of free will. A free will zone that is balanced with mind body and soul practices, new vibrations that serve to honor my temple and the divine temple of others.
My path is lighted once again and I have set a new intention for 2013. This intention is to be happy and healthy, to only give my mind, body and spirit love and good things. To uncover what is still hidden in me and to embrace and release my protections my armor, my barriers between me and the ALL. My intention for 2013 is to continue to lay my beautiful path with colorful tiles of the best and worst of me, from me, for me and for the ALL. I will stay light in thought so that I may be lightened in weight!
With every person awake and aware they are laying their own colorful paths we are creating the new mosaic of the new Earth. A beautiful mosaic of colorful self created paths that all lead to the same destination, Unity and Love! Love of Self and ultimately Love for ALL!